In talking about the importance of kindness, it’s easy to forget that you have to start with being kind to yourself. How does it feel to hear that? Maybe it makes you uncomfortable. After all, you were probably brought up to think of others first, to be unselfish, to put your own needs behind other people’s.

But having real compassion means that you treat yourself the same way as you would a friend who was suffering.

There are three fundamental elements of building compassion and learning self-kindness.

1. Letting go of self-judgment

Listen to your self-talk for a moment. How are you feeling about the whole idea of self-kindness? Many people have negative internal dialogue going on inside their heads that is full of judgment and self-criticism aimed at themselves. A negative loop that uses words they would never dream of saying to other people.

Developing self-compassion means letting go of perfectionism. It means being okay with making mistakes and even embracing failure.

Self-kindness acknowledges that life is full of ups and downs and that going through hard times isn’t necessarily someone’s fault. By accepting the reality of life and letting go of self-judgment, you will find calm and understanding.

2. Accepting that it’s not just you

One of the worst aspects of going through a hard time is feeling that you’re alone in your misery. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that being human means being imperfect and vulnerable. Bad times come and bad times go, and you’ll make it through. It happens to everyone because it’s part of the human condition.

So, take a deep breath, take a step back, and treat yourself gently until the storm has passed.

3. Seeking a middle ground 

It can be tempting to fall into negativity when things don’t go your way. But try taking a mindful approach that acknowledges your feelings but doesn’t over-identify with them. Wallowing in your unhappiness or beating yourself up is unhelpful.

Mindfulness means taking a step back and observing what is happening without getting caught up in the emotions, or at the other end of the scale, trying to suppress or deny what you’re feeling.

Acknowledge your emotions and the situation you find yourself in, but also find some perspective. Consider what is happening in your life and compare your experience to what is happening in the world.

To develop genuine compassion, you must acknowledge your own pain and come from a place of acceptance for yourself so that you can offer it to other people.

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You have a goal in mind, but that’s all you have. Creating, working towards, and reaching goals is not easy. The journey is often different for everyone. However, there are three parts of achieving every goal that is always the same. Defining the 3 W’s of your goal will allow you to work toward it without losing sight of the big picture.

1. What

What do you want? What is your goal? You need to be specific: I want to run a half marathon. I want to write a novel. Explicitly, naming your goal and writing it out will give power to it and will allow you to mentally focus in on what you are trying to achieve. Clearly defined goals are easier to work towards. Writing out your target has the added benefit of making the goal real, as opposed to a foggy idea floating in your mind.

2. When

When do you want to achieve your goal? What is your timeframe? Once you have an overall time frame, you can dive into the milestones that you will need to hit along the way and put time limits on those. Doing this will give you benchmarks on which you can measure your progress. Measuring your progress in increments will also keep your spirits up when you are in the muck of the middle. You will be able to look back and say, I’m halfway there.

3. Why

Why is this your goal? Why do you want to do it? Your why is your everything. Your reasoning should be personal and not something you will be easily swayed from. If you’re going to run a half marathon merely for the glory, you may want to dig a little deeper. Running a half isn’t easy, and in the middle of every training session, it will just be you and your legs. Having a strong why will also come in handy when you lack external support. Having a reliable support system of family and friends makes achieving any goal easier, but sometimes you won’t have that backing.

You have your what, your when, and your why. Write down each of these and revisit the W’s when times get tough. You should especially revisit your why daily. It will remind you why you started, why you are continuing, and what awaits you at the end of your long journey. Setting and achieving goals is not for the weak of heart, but if your heart is in it, the process will be much less daunting.

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Many people use Self-hypnosis or Positive Affirmations for personal development and to help them meet their life goals. But did you know you can use self-hypnosis and affirmations to build resilience and combat stress?

Whether it’s a one-off stress like having to give a presentation or an ongoing stressful issue, you can create the right affirmations and suggestions to support you through. Affirmations and the appropriate self-hypnosis audio will help you deal better with current stress, and over time, prevent future anxiety.

1. Know Your Negative Enemy

Identifying your negative thoughts is the first step in working out the best affirmations for you and your situation.

Take a moment to think of all the beliefs that come up when you think about your stressful event. Do you worry about not knowing what to say at a party, or freezing while you try to give a presentation? Write down every negative thought that pops into your head. Make the conscious decision to move away from those negative beliefs.

2. Turn the Negatives into Positives

Now you have your list of negative thoughts; you can take each one and turn it into an extreme positive opposite. Make strong positive statements and remind yourself of times in the past when you coped well in similar situations.

When you develop your affirmations, tie them back to times when you have succeeded in the past. If you can’t think of any, ask your partner, friend, or colleague to help you. Likely they’ll have a much more positive view of your skills and achievements than you do!

Write down some encouraging phrases to get you through, like ‘I’m feeling stressed, but I will be ok,’ ‘I can do this,’ ‘When this is over, I will be so proud of myself.’

“Every Day In Every Way, I’m Getting Better and Better.”

3. Keep Your Affirmations Realistic

Affirmations are not magic. Keep your affirmations in proportion to what you can do and how you feel. If they are too ambitious, they can make you feel more anxious than before.  And if you have a misstep or you fail, then you’ll feel even worse than before.

Maybe you get anxious about public speaking, whether it’s giving a presentation or having a job interview. Your affirmations will help you even more if you know you have done everything possible to be prepared.

If you worry about getting stage fright or going blank, prepare every aspect of your speech or presentation. Remind yourself that you know how to do this, you know your subject.

Anticipate what might go wrong and work out strategies to prevent or deal with it, from having spare notes in case the technology fails to having a glass of water nearby if you feel apprehensive.

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Many of us have been taught that anger is a bad thing. Your parents, teachers, and other authority figures reminded you to reign in your outbursts. You have probably shared that with your children or others. Yes, there are times when getting angry helps you. It might spur you on to change. However, holding onto anger can affect you, your relationships, and your health. When you strive to let go of those things that don’t serve you or your goals, letting go of anger should be at the top of your list.

How Anger Harms Your Health and Wellbeing 😡

Think about the last outburst you had. Do you remember how your body tensed up? Did you see fear creep into your partner’s eyes as your face turned red?   Uncontrolled anger will cost you many things, including your health. Here is how living in a state of rage hurts your overall well-being:

* Your Heart Breaks: This isn’t heartbreak from losing the love of your life, though it could happen. Outbursts may put you at a greater risk of a heart attack. Repressed anger is no better as it may be associated with heart disease.

* Your Stroke Risk Increases: Some studies suggest that you may be three times more likely to have a stroke after an outburst.

* Your Immune System Takes a Hit: Want to ward off sickness? Get rid of the anger. It’s possible to lose some significant infection-fighting power when you stay angry.

* Your Anxiety May Skyrocket: Anger may exacerbate your anxiety, making day-to-day living much harder. Internalized anger may do the most damage.

* Your Lifespan May be Shortened: Anger causes your body to live in a constant state of stress. Stress is linked to your overall well-being. That’s to say – staying angry equals a short lifespan.

3 Tips to Start Letting the Anger Go 

Anger robs you of reaching your goals and dreams. Here are three steps to help you rid yourself of residual anger:

1. Determine where the anger comes from. Are you angry at your upbringing? Did you have an ex-spouse do your wrong? Now is the time to figure out why you are mad, so you can let it go.

2. Institute some relaxation techniques. From “Winning Ways Within” self-hypnosis audios to deep breathing, finding the relaxation techniques that work for you will ensure you are headed in the right direction.

3. Take a time out. Sometimes, you need to remove yourself from the situation or people. If at all possible, do so. The break will help you step back, assess the situation, and cool down.

Anger doesn’t have to rule your life. Choose to let it go and replace it with constructive personal growth.

How can I help you transform your life? 

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How can I help you transform your life?

If you want to schedule a 1-to-1 call to learn more about hypnosis, strategies and techniques for real fearless flying success – Click Contact Us.

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